This blog has been bubbling away for quite some time as the OW energy has irritated my skin. Like I walked into a spider's web, I didn't see, and got it stuck all over me. It's an icky, sticky feeling of wanting to erase something invisible from my skin, but I can't quite get it off. No matter how much I brush, that feeling of something still being there, annoys the shit out of me. It's like being haunted by an energy. That's what it feels like. It's so heavy, so icky, so urgggghh*shudder* it's difficult to describe.
I have always been very empathic. For many years it has been quite a curse, but in the last few years, I have learnt to embrace it, use it and see it as quite a superpower. The best way to describe it is like feeling in 3D. Certain feelings and energies form 3D sensations for me. Like an unseen, but very clear representation of what their energy is transmitting out into the world. I wanted to share with you what has been forming and manifesting around this woman. It will be interesting to see if any of you can relate. Obviously, I can only speak for my experience. This is NOT a generalisation of all affair partners, which is why it will be interesting to see if this resonates with your views and experiences of the woman who had an affair with your husband.
Over the last two and a half years I have tried to be dignified. I have tried to be compassionate and understanding, despite there being very little compassion and understanding shown for me. I have fought off the most intensely overwhelming emotions of wanting to maim, kill and destroy this woman, as I understand there are reasons behind every single one of us and our actions. I understand we are all shaped by our experiences. We all have conditioning and beliefs that affect how we see the world and treat the people in it.
But....you know what?
I could not give a fuck about this woman's story. I do not give a fuck about what happened in her life that made her so uncaring about families and other people's relationships. I don't give a fuck that her self-esteem is so low, she's got to hang around marriages, looking for weaknesses or a chance to sneak in and feed off the inevitable cracks there are in long-term relationships. Like a dementor gaining strength from other people's misfortune, unable to generate esteem naturally. It just makes her one of life's parasitical bottom feeders, masquerading as a normal person. A creature incapable of the strength and character it takes to form long-lasting relationships of her own, so she feeds off the unfortunate scraps of other peoples' weaknesses and struggles.
Her story of who hurt her in the past, how her parents did or didn't show her love, what she learnt about families and relationships is not a reason to try to wade in and destroy other people's lives because she is getting some sort of delusional fix from it. No remorse, no awareness, no care in the world for the utter destruction and devastation that was created. Walking through life repeating the same pattern without a second thought, or even recognition for the fallout from the last time she did it, simply because she is totally sucked into the bullshit, charade of limerance and its fantastical rush. She thinks it's real!! She thinks there's a genuine connection and meaning to these relationships, even though she gets dumped every time. So fucking laughable. So fucking pathetic. So fucking clueless.
So clueless she believes her own narrative. And when I say narrative, I mean the stories she has created in her own mind to justify the behaviours she knows, she absolutely knows, are extremely questionable and downright shitty. The justifications, the blame-shifting, the denial. So entrenched in her own righteousness, she's physically unable to accept any culpability whatsover. I am just the poor sucker who got caught in the crossfire of your pitiful story. The poor individual, minding my own business, who got chosen for you to leach off for your next fix. Urrrrggggh *shudder*.
*Brushes arms vigourously to get rid of the cobwebs*
One day you're going to try and feed off the wrong person and, I think I've said it before, I really fucking hope they put it on Facebook!